I’ve always considered myself to be a faithful person. I believe in God and I have always tried to live a godly life.
And then my daughter died. My daughter died unexpectedly in the care of another.
When I fell on that cold, nasty, hospital floor I asked God why. I begged him to bring her back, He didn’t. I pleaded with him to spare her life, He didn’t.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t mad when God didn’t answer my prayers. I mean he’s God after all.
Just days after Emma passed away I found my husband reading daily devotionals. This was something I had never seen him do before. While most things are still a haze, I can specifically remember our conversation. I asked him, “Why are you all of a sudden reading scripture?” In his most serious voice, he responded, “I want to see our daughter again.”
Let that sink in for a minute. In the lowest of our lows, when I wanted to drown in my sorrow. My husband reminded me of faith.
Faith doesn’t mean that I have to understand why Emma Kelli passed when she did, it doesn’t mean that I have to agree with it. Faith means that I have to trust and lean on His word, and not my own interpretations.
My questions are still very much unanswered. I don’t know why out of all souls, EK’s was the chosen one. I don’t know how or why or even what happened leading up to her death. What I do know is that my faith tells me it doesn’t matter.
My faith means trusting in Him despite the circumstances or when it’s convenient for me.
Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
I have learned that God can use bad things for good. Acts of Kindness in Honor of Emma Kelli
Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
My faith lets me know that my life is not over.
Colossians 3:23: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.
My faith has reminded me to not blame or point fingers.
Genesis 50:19-20: But Joseph said to [his brothers who had sold him into slavery], “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Having faith doesn’t mean that I don’t still wonder or worry, I do those things often. It means that I can rest assure knowing that He is in control. Having faith is a choice that brings me a sense of content-ness which certainly beats the alternative.
The best part of my faith is absolutely knowing that Emma Kelli is in heaven.
Prayerful and Present