For some reason we live in a society that thinks men can’t cry. Not that they don’t, but that they can’t or shouldn’t.
When a woman miscarries, we tend to her needs. When a baby is stillborn, we ask how the mother is doing. When a couple experiences child loss, we ask how the wife is coping. It is as if because the father did not carry the child or give birth that they cannot experience the same grief.
Men grieve. They just aren’t given the permission to do so. Often times we tell our little boys to “be tough” or “stop crying.” They can’t cry, because well, they’re men and men are tough.
When men experience grief their manly role is to take care of the woman, and “be strong” for her. And if these things aren’t actually said, for some reason they are expected.
This way of thinking puts men in a position to where when they are grieving, they don’t ask for help, they don’t seek advice. They grieve alone.
That part makes me sad. I never want my husband to grieve alone, especially when he’s been my rock in my grief. He deserves better.
So to those daddies who are grieving; I see you. Go on, cry. You’re not less of a man because you have emotions and feelings, too. When your partner cries, make a date of it. Grab the Blue Bell and Kleenex and y’all be hot messes together.
You experienced loss too, and have the right to grieve or cry if you want to. Be open with your partner like she most likely is with you.
And women; let him grieve, let him cry. Dry your eyes for a bit and open your ears. Chances are your man doesn’t say much about how he’s feeling so when he talks, listen. Your relationship will improve and this terrible grief will get a little less hard.
Prayerful and Present
~Kelli
