If I had a walk out song for this stage in my life right now, it would definitely be Rachel Platten’s Fight Song.
Over the last two years, my life has been anything but consistent. I said “Enough is enough” more than I’d like to admit. I was quietly and painfully struggling at home, but for some reason, never brave enough to stand up for myself.
My marriage had failed. I never intended on divorce being my reality, no one ever does.
I prayed these exact words when I didn’t know what to do, “God, please, just give me a sign.” For months I looked and looked and tried to turn anything into a sign. And then, one day I saw it.
It was literally a sign, my sign! “Don’t Miss An Opportunity To Change Your Life.”
So one day, I decided that I would not miss an opportunity to change my life. At 33, I moved 53 miles away from my job and children’s school to live with my mom and 3 young children for good this time.
There was something empowering about just leaving, letting it go and not looking back. For once in my life, I stood up for myself. No one was responsible for my happiness except for myself and I was going to ensure that I was!
The commute to work was awful and I dreaded having to get my 3 toddlers up so early in the morning, but it was a step in the right direction, and we would survive.
In my marriage I had never paid bills. I didn’t even know who our utility providers were. It was never that I was incapable of managing money, it was just the role my then husband took on and it worked for us.
And while getting bills set up in my name, and then paying them each month may seem normal to most, I was learning for the first time. There was a month that I completely forgot to pay a bill and another where I paid my car note twice. I can manage to take care of three tiny humans and keep them alive, but I struggled to keep up with my new responsibilities.
I now had to add a new hat to the many I already had as a mother; head of household. All I needed was a house!
Soon there after, I signed a contract on a new build in the town I work in. That was my first big decision alone. I’ve always sought the advice of others and not relied on my own capabilities. Not this time! I chose the floor plan, paint color, floors, cabinets, I chose it all. And all by myself!
I was making a life for my children and I and it was exhilarating! With each step closer, my confidence grew. I was happy on the inside and others were noticing it on the outside.
A recent text I received said this, I can see the smile in the your eyes again. It’s been a long time. I love you. Be happy.
I bought a house, but it was so much more than a house. It was new beginning, a fresh start, it was assurance.
That home assured me that I was capable of doing things on my own. It assured me that my children would have a safe place to call their own and there is no price tag on that.
I hustled. I refused to settle. I didn’t let my single mother status hinder a thing. I researched, and I asked around. I made sure things were right by my children first. I did it.
And just for fun, let me say it again. I DID IT!
The person I was trying to convince the most, was myself. In the beginning I was scared. I had no idea what my future looked liked, let alone, the next week. If you don’t believe in yourself, I can assure you, no one else will.
It wasn’t for them, none of it! So today, I am thankful for the storm as it made me see the light .
I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion.
Prayerful and Present,