Strength comes in many forms and looks different for many people.
Since the loss of our daughter, my husband and I have been described as strong. I think the phrase “hot mess” is more fitting, however.
In our time of grief and confusion, I feel anything but strong, yet it is the word that I’ve heard over and over again.
One of my main sources of strength is this man right here;
I’ve been loving this hunk for over 10 years. The day I married him I thought that I loved him more than I ever could.
I was wrong. On September 9, 2013 he became a daddy. I just thought I loved him before.
When I saw my husband become a father, I felt a different kind of love. I fell more in love with this man.I watched Jacob accomplish so many things in his life; graduating from college, becoming a fire firefighter, a paramedic, buying our first home, but the moment when I realized I was capable of loving him more was when I saw him hold our daughter for the first time.
Jacob adored our babe. He was a great dad and loved that girl more than ANYTHING! Emma loved her daddy so much too! I’ll swallow my pride and say that she was in fact a daddy’s girl. To see my two loves together made my heart melt. Watching Jacob as a daddy was a constant reassurance that he was in fact the man I had always dreamed of.
(look how happy she is in his arms)
Our relationship has grown and evolved with every success, failure, triumph, and tragedy we’ve encountered.
Just when I thought I couldn’t love my husband more, I was wrong again.
From the moment our daughter became an angel, my husband has taken care of me.
He has seen my ugly cry, heard my foul mouth, and watched me fall to my knees, all while loving me.
He is my strength. He is the only person who knows what its like to live this life. He is the person that I don’t have to explain my feelings to, he already knows. Having his love and support makes me hopeful for our future.
I’ve seen a side of him that I had never known in our 10 years. I’ve always known him to be loving and caring, but now, I’ve again realized that my love for him has once again, grown.
Jacob and I have a long road ahead of us. When Emma passed away, that night we stayed up late talking, crying, and praying. One of the things that we agreed upon was that we would take care of each other and not let this tear us apart. That’s exactly what we intend on doing.
The following quote was sent to us shortly after Emma passed away from a mother who unfortunately knew our pain.
“Rainbows don’t mean that the storm never happened, it means that something beautiful has appeared in the midst of the darkness.”
I look forward to our rainbow after the storm!
Prayerful and Present